| Public because there's no point to having it private. |
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November 20th,
2008 10:25 pm
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I guess first of all I should thank Se Young for posting all of those older picture onto facebook.
As most of you irl probably know, I didn't exactly enjoy the last two years of band, so much that it's tainted the image of it I have in my mind. Band for me in the past few years or so was associated with loneliness, with drama, and with the feeling that I just wasn't quite good enough. Lately I've been having problems with past memories and association. I hated the mere idea of band because it became a center of discomfort in my mind. Seeing pictures of the past really helped me deal with it, because it helps to look at things as a trajectory. It's good to be reminded that I wasn't always an outcast, that I did have friends there, and that I was part of a loving, cohesive group at one time in my life. After going through the pictures it seems as if time has refocused itself, and that I am for the first time in a long while watching a portion of my past fit back into the flow of time rather than hang suspended in anxiety and discomfort. It's nice to feel that I was once part of something, and that there was once in time where I truly felt the love and sense of belonging formed from the intimate daily interactions of a community.
I guess I just want to say that for those of you I'm addressing, particularly those in band, I love you, or at least I loved each of you once, connected personally and emotionally with each of you once, missed you, hugged you, laughed and cried with you once. And so I love you, despite our differences and distances and all the other divergence in time and space that have separated us. I love you, and always will, because I did once.
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